Woman Takes 3-Week Vacation, Returns to a Series of Unfortunate Events

Cooking is not exclusively a woman's job — it's a fundamental life skill. Unfortunately, Reddit user HollyCupcakez’s husband seems to have some work to do in that department. In a candid post on the subreddit r/Stories, HollyCupcakez recounted her return from a vacation to find that her husband had struggled in the kitchen and resorted to a diet of fast food.

Despite her absence lasting only a few weeks, the consequences were far from minor. Unable to cook for himself, her husband turned to fast food deliveries, which took a toll on his digestive system.

The Woman's Account:

"My husband is a human gas chamber. About three weeks ago, I flew to South Korea for a vacation with friends. My husband decided to stay home to watch the house and our dog. I trusted him because he's a 40-year-old man, and I assumed he could feed himself. I was wrong. I should have taken him and the dog with me.

During my absence, he made some absurd decisions. I would have preferred if he cheated on me because what he did was far worse: he ordered Taco Bell from DoorDash every day after breaking our stove trying to cook an entire 15-pound bag of red lentils. He didn't even use a bowl, just ate directly from the pot and then stuffed it in the fridge, breaking a shelf in the process.

Realizing his mistake, he continued to order tacos for the remaining two weeks while getting high on medical marijuana. For some reason, he also bought a bunch of honeycombs from a friend’s father and ate nothing but beeswax and honey for several days, which resulted in severe gas issues.

This morning, I was awakened by a noise that sounded like a motorcycle revving in our bedroom, followed by an unbearable stench. My husband spent ten minutes in the bathroom, producing nonstop gas. The dog hid under the couch out of fear.

I couldn't take it anymore and decided to go to a diner for breakfast, taking the dog with me. The dog was so distressed that it followed me out of the house. Now, I'm at the diner waiting for my husband to de-gas while the dog sits under the table, wearing a pink leash-kid harness with 'Emotional Support Human' written on it, which the waitress found amusing.

Despite the Gas, She's Happy in Her Marriage

We contacted HollyCupcakez, who said she’s very happy with her marriage. “We’ve been together for ten years, married for eight, and it's been happy despite the gas issues,” she told Bored Panda. “He tolerates my constant complaints and the problems I bring because of my height and appearance. I'm 4’7” and look like a 12-year-old girl, which has led to him being mistaken for a child predator multiple times.”

While her husband’s cooking skills have always been terrible, it hasn’t been a problem because she usually cooks for both of them. “He grew up in a poor household where neither parent cooked well,” she explained.

Before her trip, she expected him to manage with takeout or bulk foods, but she didn’t anticipate him breaking all the appliances except the sink and fridge, nor did she foresee him eating nothing but fast food and honeycombs.

Viral Post and Updates

After her post went viral, she shared several updates:

• At 9:00 AM, her husband texted her to rent a carpet cleaner because he "trusted a fart" and soiled the living room floor.
• By 10:23 AM, she returned home to a house smelling of Febreze and Lysol after a day out. Her husband had borrowed a SpotBot carpet cleaner that didn’t work, so she rented another cleaner. She locked herself in the bedroom until the house was fixed.
• Later, her husband tried making toast in the microwave and broke the stove, but managed other chores like taking out the trash, doing laundry, and feeding their diabetic dog.

In a final update, she revealed that her husband gave himself food poisoning from raw honeycomb. She sent him on a mission to replace a fridge shelf, which took him 13 hours. He returned after driving with all windows down, buying Depends for his condition, and apologizing for his behavior.

Despite the chaos, she acknowledges that while her husband can BBQ exceptionally well, he struggles with other cooking methods.

The Perils of Poor Diet Choices

Passing gas is normal, but excessive gas can indicate dietary issues. Dr. Mark Corkins, a pediatric gastroenterologist, explains that gas is a byproduct of food fermentation in the colon. Dietary choices, particularly difficult-to-digest foods, can increase gas production.

Occasional fast food is harmless, but habitual consumption can harm health. Hopefully, the husband's diet and bodily functions will normalize soon, for his and his wife's sake!